Monthly Archives: February 2009

How I learned to Love Lily Allen

I was a late-comer to enjoying Lily Allen. Until very recently I thought she was merely another annoying, mass-produced nonentity that had one or two catchy gimmicks that set her apart from the rest of the shiny pack but what she made up for in sass, she lost in being, well, a bit of a minger. While this shouldn’t effect my judgement of an artists music, in my mind, I wasn’t critiquing ‘music’ as such; I was critiquing a certain type of packaging. When critiquing any type of packaging, what it looks like is as important as whether it keeps what’s inside it fresh. Without labouring this dead-end metaphor any longer, I will continue. Lily Allen was a British Nelly Furtado. I imagined, like most popstars of her ilk, she’d fizzle and die; her albums left only to be played ‘ironically’ by aging queens after they’d had one too many … Read more

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Why Are They Famous? – Amy Winehouse

One of the problems with excessive use of cocaine is it has a tendency to fuck you up. Of course this scientific phenomena is not restricted to cocaine. Other drugs also fuck you up; heroin, barbituates, huffing Glade air freshener from a plastic bag – all of things will cause you to become fucked up with prolonged use and often they ultimately lead to death. If you are a musician, history has tended to show that excessive drug use fucks up your music just before it fucks up your life – there is a cusp there where you are still with it enough to think you are amazing but your art has already suffered – Oasis’ ‘Be Here Now’, Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Tusk’, The Beatles’ ‘Individual, solo careers’. Then about two shows into the seven hundred date world tour you lose it. This is not to say that drugs have never … Read more

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Why Are They Famous? – The Doors

A regular feature where we “discuss” some of the world’s most overrated bands and artists, and wonder why the hell are they famous? This week: The Doors. Now let’s be honest, the Doors are pretty shit. Seldom has a band done so little to deserve so much adoration, over such a long period of time. Silly keyboards, drunken vocals that sound like the homeless guy who lives on my street, no bass player and an average song duration of 3 days, there’s little to attract the first time listener. For some reason they are worshipped by hippies and “chemistry enthusiasts” worldwide, and the Doors are still considered one of the greatest bands to ever come out of Los Angeles. (This, remember, is the same city that gave us such greats as Guns N’ Roses, Rage Against The Machine and the Beach Boys). But then, what can you expect from a … Read more

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