Category Archives: Worst Albums

Worst Albums of All Time: The Clash – ‘Cut the Crap’

Sometimes bands should just quit while they’re ahead. Weezer probably should’ve quit after The Green Album, Green Day should’ve stopped after American Idiot, and Snoop Dogg probably should’ve just recorded Doggystyle then hung up his afro pick for good, save the odd Dre collab or two. And The Clash, well, The Clash absolutely, definitely, without a doubt should’ve quit before they got to Cut The Crap. Some Clash documentaries would actually have you believe that this was the case. In 1982, following the recording of Combat Rock, drummer Topper Headon was given the boot due to a growing heroin dependency. The loss of a long time member placed further strain on the growing division between core members Joe Strummer and Mick Jones, eventually resulting in Jones’ dismissal in late 1983. And that’s where it should’ve ended. Combat Rock was by no means the band’s finest work – a title fairly … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: U2 – ‘All That You Can’t Leave Behind’

First things first: Bono is a complete bell-end. Of all of the musicians in the world, he is the most outspoken, pretentious and out of touch of all of them. Bono’s personality can be summed up as the product of over 30 years or so of being surrounded by yes-men, with no-one to say to him “No, Bono. The music industry doesn’t work that way any more” or “Take off those glasses you twat. You look like a geriatric fly.” So to get you in the mood for the rest of the review, here’s a collection of pretentious Bono quotes – that I spent upwards of 5 minutes scouring the internet for – to make you hate the great man even more: “Books! I dunno if I ever told you this, but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.” “Laughter is eternity if joy is real.” “I … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: MGMT – ‘Congratulations’

The thing with difficult follow ups is that you can’t want them to be difficult. Elliott Smith didn’t create a persona for himself as a troubled artist, he really was one – as he so aptly demonstrated with the aid of a butcher’s knife in late 2003. You can’t want to be depressingly artistic and troubled: it just has to happen. And that’s how MGMT’s second album feels to me: a concentrated effort to release a difficult yet artistically rewarding second album. One that may not be appreciated in its own time, but will become a cult classic somewhere down the line. Yet by consciously striving for something that can only be achieved accidentally, they have created a mess that fails from both a creative and a populist point of view. So let’s start with their first album (putting aside the album of demos they released as “The Management” in … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: The Verve – ‘Urban Hymns’

Welcome to our first ever guest blog post courtesy of Rory, one of the main men behind the excellent Guerrilla Geek site. Read on as he shows us up with his “researched back story” and “carefully thought out points”. Those things will never catch on. In September 1997, The Verve released what would become their biggest album ever. Urban Hymns became one of the best-selling albums of the year, earning nearly-unanimous critical praise, and has since regularly gained respectable placements on British “greatest albums of all time” media lists. Normally, I can simply shake my head at the vagaries that lead to such an album gaining a legacy like this, but in the case of Urban Hymns, I’m left with one nagging fact that prevents me from moving on: the album is a bad album. Now, I don’t mean a bad album in a Steps-this-music-is-so-tacky-it’s-almost-acceptable kind of way; Urban Hymns … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: Bob Dylan – ‘Christmas In The Heart’

This week’s worst album was nominated by bsidebeats. Let us know your nominations either in the comments or by tweeting at us with the hashtag #worstalbums. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that musicians get worse at writing songs as they get older. Now before you say something like “How can you rag on the classics – what have you ever done?” – for which you would be taking quite a reasonable stance – like most people, I am not immune to the charms of early Bob Dylan. As a sixties singer songwriter and folk troubadour there were few that came close to either his songwriting or his charisma. His folk work is as moving today as it was at the time: a natural extension of the rebelliousness of Woodie Guthrie, updated for the beatnicks and pre-love generation. When he plugged in at Newport in 1965 it signified one of the … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: Weezer – ‘Make Believe’

This week’s worst album was nominated by Elkano. Thanks for all your nominations – we’ll be revisiting some of the others very soon, we promise. This album marks a turning point in the Worst Albums Of All Time Saga: this is the first album by a band that I actually like. Or more accurately, the first album by a band whose albums I liked before this one. I fall into the same category as a lot of long-time Weezer fans. We are the Star Wars fans of music – we’ll always have our original trilogy, and whatever came afterwards be damned. Much like Star Wars fans, we’ve often kidded ourselves: “Raditude was OK really, at least it didn’t take itself too seriously” or “there weren’t as many furry animals in this one”. But who are we kidding? Our beloved Weezer died with Make Believe, never to return. You see, it’s … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Californication”

I have to be honest – I’ve never liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They just always seemed so silly. Their socks-on-cocks, misogynistic frat-boy attitude never sat well with me, but I’m willing to forgive a lot if the songs are good enough. Unfortunately, as far as I’m concerned, they aren’t, and never have been. Song after song of mid-tempo, snore infused, slap bass twaddle (slap bass has never been cool, for the record) that has me reaching for the cyanide capsule every time. They should tour with Ben Harper and Jack Johnson (watch this space, I’m sure) as the “Sure Fire Insomnia Cure Tour”. They would make millions. Even their supposed “classic” album Blood Sugar Sex Magick does absolutely nothing for me. “‘Under the Bridge’ is deep. It’s about heroin addiction, man”. Are you sure it’s not about Mandrax? Because that’s how I feel when I listen to their … Read more

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Worst Albums Of All Time: Metallica (The Black Album)

Now, I’m certainly prepared to admit that Metallica did some pretty good work in the eighties before this record was released. Or at the very least I’ve been assured of this fact by many many guitar enthusiasts and rock fans over the years, quite often by the kind of people that refuse to listen to an album if it doesn’t have a tapping solo and a section in 15/8 timing or whatever, but often by normal, sane adults as well. I’ll admit there’s some good music on the early stuff, especially Cliff Burton’s bass playing, and the speed metal of most of Kill ‘Em All is pretty decent as well. So I’m aware of the early stuff – much like Aids or Cholera, I’m not thrilled that it’s there but I’m prepared to acknowledge its existence. The aforementioned albums are cult classics, and since I’m not a member of that … Read more

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Introducing the Worst Albums of All Time Chart

As a regular feature on Riot Radio, we’re going to be reviewing the worst albums of all time, and charting and ranking them on a chart of awfulness. Kind of like the Grammys but without the corporate sponsorship and cynical self back-patting. How its going to work – we want nominations for albums you think are truly awful. Let’s forget the likes of Justin Bieber and Britney Spears for now (although I’m not ruling them out totally – Ke$ha in particular deserves attention) and focus on albums or bands that are actually liked by some otherwise sane adults: U2 and Coldplay are good examples. Special attention will be given to albums that are considered classics but are actually thinly disguised, overproduced pieces of shit – anything by Prince for example. After every “review” we’ll chart the results on our ultimate Worst Album of All Time Chart, and we’ll see what … Read more

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